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Weddings are incredibly intricate events that involve planning out every little detail to perfection. It's a time-consuming, detail-oriented, and emotionally taxing ordeal—and that's actually why many people hire wedding planners rather than doing it on their own.
That being said, most of us can't really buy a wedding planner's services due to the high price tag it comes with. This means that it's up to the couple to do most of the wedding planning if they want to save money on the big day.
A lot of people believe that planning the wedding is the first major test of a couple's ability to survive life together. It's a testament to teamwork and to how united couples are. So, what happens if the groom isn't interested in planning the wedding with you?
Believe it or not, this happens, and when it does, it's time for the bride to make some moves. Here's what you should do if you find yourself in this position.
First, figure out whether the groom is uninterested in planning the wedding due to his personality.
Some people just can't stand planning anything—including vacations, weddings, budgets, or anything similar. If this is the reason why he's disinterested in planning your wedding together, you're going to have to work around it.
If he's willing to let you plan the entire thing and happy to actually carry out the plans, this isn't actually a problem. If he says he's happy as long as you're happy, it could just be his mellow nature shining through.
If he's just very planning-averse, you may need to light a fire under his behind.
Many guys, particularly those with a lazy bone in their bodies, will pawn off wedding planning duties to the brides just because they can. They might even brush it off by saying, "Oh, but you're so good at it!"
You need to understand that this is not okay. This is a sign of a really uneven partnership, and if you feel like you're regularly doing most of the work, you have to pull your spouse-to-be aside and discuss this.
Now would be a good time to consider premarital counseling, or to explain to your groom why he should help you out. Explaining to him how it'd help the two of you bond, or even explaining why his participation matters to you can make a huge difference in his participation.
For some guys, the wedding itself isn't worth caring about.
Believe it or not, it's not uncommon to hear that a groom isn't interested in planning the wedding his bride wants. This is because many men don't actually care about weddings; they care about the marriage more. From their point of view, it's just a single day while marriage itself is forever.
You might even hear your groom say this, and if this is the case, you should be relieved. It means he does want to be married, but that he's not quite grasping why the wedding is important to you. You might be able to talk this out.
A good way to get him more involved would be to ask his opinion on multiple choices.
Does he want pink flowers or red flowers? Does he want salmon or chicken dinner entrees? Does he want to hold the wedding in a castle or a church? If you offer two options, he'll very likely give his opinion—and that would allow him to get involved easily.
This is the easiest fix if your groom isn't interested in planning the big day on his own. In most cases, this will work as an easy solve and might even make planning a wedding on a budget easier.
You can also try to assign him tasks that he's very interested in.
Just like with work and chores, people tend to prefer carrying out certain tasks over others. He might be more interested in wedding cakes than flower arrangements—or he may be more curious about how to put together a wedding registry on new wedding registry sites.
Try to give him tasks you know he'd enjoy. If your groom isn't interested in playing wedding planner, doing this might help engage him at least a little bit.
If he's still not helping out that much, you may have to just deal with it.
Some guys are very happy to marry a woman, but just won't plan a wedding. If he really does seem thrilled to marry you but can't plan for his life's sake, then you're going to have to accept that wedding planning won't be something you two will bond over.
Is this a dealbreaker? For some women, it absolutely is. For others, it's not. It's up to you to decide whether or not you are okay with accepting this.
Understand that this could be a sign that he really doesn't want to marry you.
Have you been dragging him to the altar, kicking and screaming? Do you get the feeling that you are way more interested in getting married than he is? A man who feels like he's been cornered into marriage will be extremely averse to wedding planning.
If he gets angry when asked about wedding planning details, guilts you about wanting to get married, or keeps insisting that it's a waste of money, he really doesn't want to marry you and feels like he's being forced to do so.
Should you notice these warning signs, you need to understand what's really going on here. At this point, it's clear that you want to get married but your partner doesn't—and he's acting out because of it.
If you're beginning to wonder if he really wants to marry you, tell him so.
Painful as it is to admit, it's better to bite the bullet and find out whether he wants to marry you than it is to walk down the aisle with someone who will resent you for it. If he's acting increasingly agitated about the big day, it's better to ask him if he wants to cancel the wedding.
If he says he's not sure he wants to marry you, cancel the engagement and part ways. This will hurt, but the alternative is far worse for your heart and wallet. It's way cheaper to get a wedding cancelled than it is to hit divorce court.
Consider going to counseling and postponing the wedding if things are looking bad.
If your groom's behavior towards planning is a dealbreaker, then you have to make a very tough decision. Do you still want to marry him? Do you think that the relationship can be salvaged?
Though postponing or canceling a wedding is usually a swan song for a relationship, it's not always a sign that things are over. If you both work towards things, you may actually get married later and both enjoy it.
Remember, it's okay to walk away from a wedding if you really don't get the feeling it'd be a good partnership.
Let's say that everything has been an uphill battle. You end up getting into argument after argument about planning, and your groom has been about as helpful as a rock despite saying he wants to marry you.
Wedding planning can get bad, but it shouldn't turn ugly. If planning your wedding has been causing you panic attacks, you need to rethink your decision to say "I do."
One of the biggest mistakes to make while planning your dream wedding is thinking that the problems will go away once you're married. If your relationship sucks now, a wedding won't change that. It will only make it harder to leave a bad relationship.
If you are starting to think that your groom isn't interested in planning the wedding because he doesn't care about you or actively hates the idea of marriage, it's time to talk to a trusted family member or counselor for advice. You may be better off solo.