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DIY weddings are so popular for a number of reasons, but when you're not up for that level of stress and responsibility, a professional wedding planner can prove to be a lifesaver. However, your relationship with your wedding planner can make or break your big day, and there's no reason you shouldn't have a great experience as you collaborate on wedding planning. After all, you hired her (or him!) to take care of every little detail for your wedding day, and most professionals not only want to please their clients but also contribute to a day they're truly proud of.
With that in mind, it takes two to tango. While you should definitely feel free to be open and honest with your wedding planner (after all, it is your wedding day!), there are some behaviors you should avoid if you want to preserve your relationship and make sure you have a great experience working through all the calls and email that you'll be sending as you work on your wedding. The amount of time you'll both invest into this process is worth it, we promise! Just take a deep breath, and hold yourself back from doing the things wedding planners hate.
When You Go Nuts on Pinterest
Most weddings planners get it. They're the professionals, so they have the training and the networks to know what works well, and under what circumstances, and what is actually possible. Some designs you see on Pinterest are just too flimsy or fanciful (or plain old expensive, believe it or not!), while others are really awesome, crafty, and fun. But going overboard with the Pinterest-inspired designs can really drive a professional crazy. This is one of the top things wedding planners hate! Every single idea you see is not a good one. Trust your wedding planner to be just as familiar with this year's wedding trends and help you figure out which of your Pinterest ideas will work for your location, your season, your budget, and your overall theme and style. Be willing to give some things up as you think about the cohesion of the day as a whole. Many times, brides and grooms who do too much research too early often get their hearts set on things they don't yet realize they can't afford — or that clash. Think about it this way: Pinterest is great to come up with ideas and suggestions to bring to your wedding planner. But make sure you think of these as ideas, not firm plans yet. Browse away, but don't go crazy!
When You Propose a Totally Unrealistic Budget
Wedding planners get it. Not everyone has $50,000 to spend on a single day's worth of events. And that's OK—and probably not even necessary, anyways, if you're willing to work with the wedding planner to figure out how to get the most bang for your buck. After all, wedding planners work with many couples and often develop relationships with vendors, so it's often the case that, even though you're paying the planner, she can save you money in the long-run; in fact, hiring a wedding planner may be a smart move if you're planning a wedding on a budget. It's all about figuring out what you need and what you can afford. Any good professional will work within your budget, no matter how big or how small. The key? You need to be willing to understand and accept what your budget allows. Want to throw a killer ceremony for 120 guests on a $10,000 budget? Totally possible. But you might have only one dinner option, have to reserve weekday evening (Fridays are great!) as opposed to a traditional Saturday, and you'll likely have to be OK with foregoing prints in your photo package. Those things sound like deal-breakers? Well, it's back to the drawing board with your budget. That might involve reconsidering your guest list, scaling back your fantasy of a destination wedding, and getting real with yourself about what you absolutely need to have happen on your big day—and prioritize that over the things you just happened to have gotten your heart set on because you saw it in Pinterest (see above!).
When You Come to Her With Absolutely No Ideas
So you're trying to be the anti-bridezilla. Congratulations, you're thinking about the welfare of your friends and family as you prepare for your wedding day. But coming to your wedding planner and being too low-key or chill is just as frustrating for wedding planners as the brides that have too many ideas. Bringing too many Pinterest ideas might be one of the top things wedding planners hate, but so is not bringing any ideas at all. Wedding planners are not mind readers. They appreciate your flexibility, but give them a little something to work with. Surely you have a preference for colors, or maybe you and your future partner have a shared passion. If you can offer up a detail—however insignificant it might seem—that can be enough to get the gears turning for your wedding planner. Your input is welcome. It's your big day!
When Too Many Friends and Family Weigh In
Pro tip: if there is an element of your wedding you simply couldn't care less about (favors, maybe?) delegate that task to someone who cares a lot about it (hi, moms of the world!). That's one way to make friends and family feel included while not sacrificing on the big things you care about most.
When You Don't Meet Deadlines
Your wedding planner knows when things need to get done. We promise. If she tells you she needs your guest list by April 2, she needs your guest list by April 2. Not May 2. Not April 25. But April 2. She's not doing this to torture you. On the contrary: your wedding planner knows that brides and grooms can't keep track of every little thing that comes up, so she tries to put some structure in there so that the little details are not forgotten. This is especially true if you're planning a destination wedding. If you don't book your airline tickets at least a few months in advance, for example, you'll end up spending hundreds more than you planned—and for no reason at all. The amount of time it takes to work through all the calls and email about your wedding is a lot, we know. But every single deadline your wedding planner imposes is there for a reason. Don't miss deadlines and inadvertently do one of the things wedding planners hate most of all! Meet deadlines, and you'll have a great relationship with your planner... and, the ultimate bonus: you won't be running around last minute on your wedding day trying to get things done!
When You Ask Her to Do Things Not in Her Job Description
Every wedding planner offers a slightly different menu of services. And that's OK—just make sure you know what your wedding planner is willing to do and is not willing to do. Some will work on every little detail with you up until the day of the ceremony and then expect vendors to take the lead on the big day, while others are willing to set up centerpieces or pick up flowers for you. Make sure you know what is reasonable to ask, what is included in your package, and what you've paid for. Some planners hand out their phone numbers to that every wedding guest has it and won't bug the bride on the day of. These little details matter. Know what you need, and choose a wedding planner that offers those services.
When You Call or Text Every Single Time You Have a New Idea
We get it, we get it. You're thinking about your wedding 24-7. And your best ideas come to you at 4 AM when you jolt awake after a wedding nightmare. Or when you first wake up at 6 AM. Or when you're out for drinks with your bestie at 10:30 PM on a Friday night. Do your wedding planner, and yourself, a favor: take a deep breath, and start a memo on your phone with all the things you need to tell your wedding planner the next time you see her or talk to her during a regularly scheduled meeting. You don't have to call or email every single time you're hit with new inspiration. Trust us, this is one of those things wedding planners hate. As much as your wedding planner loves you, she has a life outside of work— and other weddings to work with (especially on the weekends). You might be thinking about your wedding 24-7, but your planner is thinking about it more like 8-5. You know, during normal business hours. Respect your wedding planner's time early in the process, and she'll respect you—and likely go out of her way to help you out when it matters most.
When You Tip Everyone But Her
Remember on your big day that your wedding planner has been there for you since day one! She was probably also the person who reminded you to tip the wait staff, the photographers, and the bartender. It can feel pretty crappy for a wedding planner after having worked with someone for a year or more—often giving overtime on the day of that might or might not be included in a package fee—only to find that they are the one who is supposed to hand out those little white envelopes with extra cash... and not to see one with their name on it. A huge tip is not required or expected, but something like 10-20 percent can can go a long way in letting your planner know she was appreciated.
When You Don't Fill Her Forms
Your wedding planner is a professional and has worked with brides and grooms to plan their wedding day for years, most likely. So they know the core questions they need answered, and to streamline the process, many have developed questionnaires and forms that look somewhat standard but actually function like a checklist that ensures that they, and you, don't miss a single detail. Filling out these forms is crucial in the wedding planning process, and not doing it—or sending 100 emails instead—is a surefire way to irritate your wedding planner. Worse, it's a surefire way to make sure an important detail is forgotten or left to the last minute. Do yourself, and your wedding planner, a favor: comply with any requests to fill out forms, paperwork, or questionnaires. On your wedding day, you'll be glad you did.
When You Don't Relax and Enjoy Your Day
By the time your big day arrives, you will have been working with your wedding planner for months, if not a full year. She knows you, she knows what you want, she is committed to making your day beautiful. So don't micromanage or fret on the day of! Trust that she'll take care of the small details so you can focus on the biggest one: feeling beautiful and in love and actually getting married! Of course she's there for you if you need to send a text or need a pep talk or run into a snag on your big day, but focus on the beautiful moments of your day rather than whether or not the centerpieces will be displayed at the exact perfect angle on the tables. Trust us, they will be—and if they're not, no one will notice. Let your wedding planner work her magic and enjoy your day!
At the end of the day, your wedding planner wants you to have a good wedding. That, after all, is why she's a wedding planner! If you successfully avoid these things wedding planners hate, you'll be well on your way to having a productive relationship with your wedding planner!