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How to Object at a Wedding

If you want to object at a wedding, please, for all that is holy, don't do it the way you see in rom-coms.

Let's say that your friend is dating someone who is a human garbage can. Their partner is boorish, abusive, smells foul, and also seems to have a penchant for spending all their money. You, and just about everyone else you know, hates this guy's (or girl's) guts.

Then, news breaks out. 

They are getting married and you're invited to the wedding. You might even be a member of the wedding party. The problem is, you really can't support your friend marrying this person and think it's the worst mistake of their life.

You tried to talk them out of it because they are not considering the things to do before getting married, but they are not listening. You decide it's time to do something insane: You are going to object at a wedding. Obviously, there's a right and wrong way to do it. Here's how to avoid becoming a pariah.

Before you attend the wedding, ask if you really need to do this.

There are few things that can put you in a friend's blacklist, like choosing to object at a wedding they're a part of. It's considered to be one of the biggest slaps on the face you can do.

Before you try to object at the wedding, pull the bride aside for a moment and talk to them about their partner. Tell them how you feel, why you feel that way, and be honest about the fact that you're worried for them. They may actually listen to you.

Ask yourself why you want to object.

If you're looking to object to your friend's wedding, you better have a damned good reason to do so. Now is not the time for selfish reasoning, so if it's because you always wanted to date the groom or because you don't think that the bride looks good enough for him, shut your mouth. 

The couple's happiness comes first, and if you are not thinking about their happiness, you do not have a good right to speak up. Objecting should only be done when serious cases of abuse, infidelity, or theft are present.

You might want to just not show up.

Sometimes, the best way to object at a wedding is to make your thoughts known by refusing to attend. This tends to be the "polite" way to object to a marriage, but it only really works if you hold a lot of sway with the friend who's getting hitched.

If you clearly state that you're refusing to attend because you don't like their partner, it's a pretty solid statement. Whether or not your friend will listen is up to them.

Realize that most people don't say the "speak now or forever hold your peace" line at weddings.

If you are going to object at a wedding, we hope you don't expect to hear the preacher say "speak now" as a way to egg you on. It very likely that will not happen—at least, in the United States.

So, if you are going to object at a wedding, this means you will have to interrupt it during the moments when the officiant's talking about love and marriage. This will make you look like a jerk, but if you need to object during the ceremony, this is the way it'll have to be.

A better option would be to talk to them right before the wedding.

If you know others who feel the same way, recruit them.

There are some situations where the spouse-to-be is universally hated by friends. This usually happens when there is physical abuse or infidelity going on.

Are you getting the feeling that your friend's friends agree that it's a bad move? If you and the majority of your friend's circle agree that the future spouse has to go, you might be able to talk to them about doing a group objection.

If multiple people come forth during the wedding, it will send a much louder message than if you alone do it. This also could be a good way to kick off an intervention.

Ideally, you should just pull your friend aside before the ceremony.

The best way to object at a wedding is to do it in a way that does not cause a scene. If you absolutely need to be able to object to your friend's big day, pull them aside weeks prior and ask if they really think marrying this person is a good idea.

You may not have your friend listen to you, and they may even get angry at you. This is what happens when you choose to object to their choice in spouse, but it may be the first step for your friend in avoiding divorce in the future.

If the situation occurs where you really do need to cause a scene, do it.

There are a couple of situations where causing a scene might be a good idea. Something along the lines of a fiancé who impregnated someone else, a fiancee who's marrying while already married, or a person who may have been caught stealing from the betrothed warrants a public outcry.

When there are serious transgressions, it's no longer about being worried about practicing "Married Couple 101" and more about preventing an inevitable divorce. It doesn't even matter if it's just an emotional affair. You need to speak up, loudly!

At that point, your friend may need a reality check. If you expect to do this, you will need solid evidence that your friend's future spouse is actually as evil as you think they are.

Before you approach them, get your thoughts in order.

When you're dealing with something as emotionally charged as a wedding objection, it's really common to have word spaghetti. Rather than have your objection be a cluster of thoughts, take pause and make sure that your thoughts are clear, concise, and understandable.

You want to practice your objection before you actually do it. You know that they may end up being married to an abusive liar, but you need to make sure that your objection sounds decent. Otherwise, no one will listen.

Brace yourself to get a LOT of hate your way.

It's really hard to fully explain how tasteless objecting to a wedding that you're invited to is, especially if it's done publicly and alone. As far as faux pas go, it's literally the bottom of the barrel—and that will almost undeniably make you a pariah.

You will most likely be accused of trying to steal the spotlight, spite the betrothed, or just ruin a wedding. The couple, if they go through with the wedding, will probably never speak to you again.

Realize that it's really not your business.

There are a lot of reasons to object at a wedding, but the truth is, that it's really not your business. What the two people do behind closed doors, or what they choose to do, is none of your business. It doesn't really affect you, nor is it your life, so who are you to tell them what to do?

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