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A couple of years ago, I used to date a guy whose mother acted more like a jealous girlfriend than a mom. He was a serious Mama's Boy, one that would often act like he was being torn away from his lover when I would ask him to prioritize our relationship.
His mother would regularly butt her way into everything we did, even to the point of choosing the apartment we lived in, despite it having a serious cockroach problem. (Looking back, she may have chosen that apartment on purpose.)
When her son proposed to me, she turned into a monster-in-law in the making. She decided where to plan the wedding, who would attend, and also would regularly freak out over me "stealing her son" from her.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. Her son was growing increasingly abusive towards me at the behest of his Mother Dearest, so I decided that it was time to leave Norman Bates with the woman he most likely wanted to sleep with.
Ladies and gentleman, that's how my most recent interaction with a momzilla ended. I am eternally thankful to my younger self that the relationship ended before I married into that trainwreck of a family.
A momzilla is a woman who, upon hearing that their child is getting married, can't help but make the wedding all about her—or actively tries to sabotage the wedding so that she can keep her kid to herself.
Momzillas are very difficult to deal with, partly because they get so manipulative. The only way to deal with a momzilla is to have her child put their foot down or to break up with the child.
Are you worried that you have a momzilla on your hands? Make sure to know the warning signs so you can figure out if you have trouble ahead.
She regularly puts you down, criticizes you, and tells you that you're not "good enough" for her son.
If you have a momzilla in the house, she will most likely make herself known by making sure you know that she doesn't like you. She will most likely do this way before the wedding details even come up—and no, she will not make it subtle, either.
She might refuse to invite you over for dinner, may ignore you when you speak to her, or may openly call you names. Speaking as someone who dealt with moms who acted this way, women who do this are always going to be momzillas if their sons propose.
The reason why is simple: For one reason or another, they hate your guts. They will do whatever they can to wreck your relationship with their son or daughter, simply because they think it's the best way to keep their kid away from you while also causing you emotional strife.
Your potential spouse can't seem to stand up to his parents, regardless of what they do to him.
Don't ask me why or how, but I've noticed a very strong pattern with all the monsters-in-law I met. In almost every single case, I've noticed that the son or daughter whose parents are causing trouble can't seem to bring themselves to stand up to protect their spouse.
This is, from what I gather, because the moms who act this way have serious cases of narcissistic personality disorder. When you deal with a narcissist your entire life, it's very hard to break free from their controlling death grip.
Sadly, if you have a potential spouse that won't stand up for you, the only real solution to a monstrous mother-in-law is to break up. Trust me when I say you'll thank yourself later!
Your future mother-in-law (or your own mom) keeps changing wedding plans to suit their needs.
Momzillas cannot stand giving up control, especially when it comes to wedding planning and other family affairs. They see it as a time when they can be in the spotlight.
So, you better believe that they will start insisting, bullying, and browbeating you until you change your wedding plans to what they want. If their guilt trips don't work, they may even convince your partner to go behind your back to change the wedding plans without your permission, which is a telltale sign your wedding will be a disaster.
I remember one of the breaking points with my last ex was finding out that the wedding venue we booked got cancelled by his mom. In exchange, she "offered" to use her house once again, despite her home not being big enough to accommodate all the guests I wanted to invite.
She makes rude remarks about your dress, the venue, or the playlist.
One thing that momzillas will never do is ignore a chance to insult you. When it comes to the wedding planning process, this means that every little thing that you come up with will be subject to critique.
Do not try to appease a momzilla, and for all that is holy, don't let her steamroll you into a wedding you don't want to pay for. If anything, tell her that she doesn't have to attend the wedding if she finds it to be so awful.
You get the feeling that she wishes it was her wedding, rather than yours.
One newspaper article I read told the pretty horrifying story of a bride who had a momzilla during the wedding planning process.
The two constantly butted heads, especially about the bride's wedding dress. Then, one day, the bride caught her future mother-in-law trying on her wedding gown. The woman tore the dress, then refused to pay for repairs.
Insane, isn't it? If that doesn't scream, "I want this to be my wedding, not yours," I don't know what does. Of course, you don't need to catch a momzilla in your wedding dress to pick up on a similar vibe.
Most girls and guys I know who have dealt with momzillas told me that they got the feeling that the mother in question was really envious of the happy couple—or at least, the attention they were getting.
If you get the nagging feeling that Mother Dearest wishes she'd be the one in the dress, then congratulations. You have a momzilla, and that's a huge freaking problem.
She has legitimately tried to take the bride's place.
The only thing that's more telling than a mother who gets caught trying on the bride's wedding dress is a mother who decides to wear white to her child's wedding. Oddly enough, I've heard of many mothers who have pulled this stunt at weddings.
If you're a mom and you think this is alright, I'm going to break the news to you. It's not. Let your child have their day in the sun alongside the person they love already!
She's had a full-on tantrum during wedding planning.
Most of the time, it's not the mother of the bride who is throwing a tantrum. It's the bride, and it's totally understandable because weddings are incredibly stressful ordeals and mark the beginning of a new way of life for them.
The thing is, showing tendencies that might develop into signs you're a bridezilla is understandable (to a point, so long as your spouse doesn't actually become a bridezilla). A mom acting the same way is not. A wedding is not about the couple's moms, it's about the bride and groom.
If your future mother-in-law throws a bridezilla-style tantrum during planning, you have a momzilla. There's no if's, and's, or but's about it.
She's threatened you with the possibility of never seeing your partner again.
This was actually my final breaking point with my ex's mother.
After I had tried to placate her multiple times, she exploded at me and told me that meeting her halfway was just not enough. She then said, "If you don't do as I say, you will never see your groom AGAIN! He's MY SON, and I TELL HIM WHAT TO DO."
I looked at her, looked at my fiancé, and then realized that this was true. Not once had my fiancé stood up for me or set a healthy boundary. Me trying to make things work was only making things more abusive towards me. Nothing I could ever do would fix this.
I burst into tears, went home, and called him up. I told him it was over. My parents, believe it or not, were very relieved to hear this. They hated my ex and his family with a passion, and looking back, I could see why. They were extremely abusive to me.
She has a meltdown at the wedding.
In my personal opinion, momzillas are best left banned from the wedding venue. Why? Because even if you manage to make wedding planning less stressful by simply ignoring her meddling into your affairs, you still have to deal with a momzilla who might find a new way to make a scene.
These are ladies who will try to upstage the bride, who might drink until they puke just to get attention, or start wailing loudly in the church over how "some woman just stole my son."
Any old bat who has a wedding meltdown when her kid marries is a momzilla, and a mother-in-law from hell. If your spouse's parent pulled this, you have a momzilla turned monster-in-law.
The way she's acting is making you dread married life.
At the end of the day, one of the most common signs you have a momzilla at your wedding is the way her behavior affects you. As you can imagine, momzilla behavior doesn't really stop when the wedding is over; it gets worse once she becomes a mother-in-law.
If your future in-law's behavior is making you dread marriage, you may want to rethink the wedding and just break up.